After losing a loved one, any time of the year can be tough but in particular Christmas is when some people find it the hardest to cope. Some people mightn’t want to celebrate Christmas at all! However, there are many positive ways to get through the festive period.
Many families carry traditions at Christmas time, as me and Victoria talked about in our latest vlog “Coping at Christmas,” but if it is too painful to carry on these traditions, put them to the side and create a new one. In doing this, it does not mean you are forgetting about that person, you are just remembering them in a new and different way. Maybe as time passes you may be able to return to the old ways and do things that you and that loved one would have done during this time of year.
Whether you want to get the family involved or you want to take a bit of time to yourself, a nice way to remember a loved one is making decorations dedicated to them. All you need is a few plain Christmas baubles, some paint, glitter, felt tips etc. and decorate your own bauble for the person and place it on your tree. This way that person can be a part of your Christmas celebrations every year. Another creative way of remembering people at Christmas time is decorating a candle. In the same way as the bauble decorate a plain candle dedicating it to that person/people and place it in the middle of the table, where everyone will be gathered and light it during your Christmas dinner. This way you may feel a comfort that the person is there with you, after the dinner it may be a nice idea, while the candle is still lit, to talk about the happy and funny memories you had with that person. Focus on the good, happy memories rather than the sad memories or regrets.
Christmas can be a lonely time for many people, especially if you’ve lost a loved one. No matter how long ago the person has died, everyday can still be tough. Grief has no timeline and no one should tell you that you “should be over it now” or “it happened ages ago, you should be okay.” For some people every day can be a struggle and Christmas is no exception. The most important thing for you to know is that you are never alone! There is always someone to lend a helping hand. If someone offers you help during the festive period – accept it – try not to isolate yourself, this will not help. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. People will not see you as weak – they will commend you for your bravery and strength.
If you have ideas of things to do at Christmas time to remember your loved one, why not respond to this blog and share your own ideas by leaving a comment below.
Jane Molloy, HopeAgain Web Consultant