How to support yourself today, on the day of Her Majesty's funeral

Today will be a very emotional and difficult day in the UK and across many parts of the world for those mourning the death of Queen Elizabeth. We wanted to share with you some ways in which you could support yourself today and the days ahead.

• Accept whatever way you are feeling as it is a normal response to loss - it is important to give time and space to your feelings.

• Talk about your thoughts and feelings with others - it is important not to bottle up how you are feeling. There will be many children and young people who can share those feelings with you. Maybe you could chat to a friend, teacher, lecturer, sibling or parent about how the Queen’s death is making you feel. There should be no shame or embarrassment in sharing feelings. Talk to someone you feel comfortable with. If you find it difficult to say the words, maybe you could write them down or type them out as an outlet.

• Find a way to pay tribute - make time for reflection, think about the Queen and what she meant to you. Maybe you have or would like to lay flowers in her memory. The Queen was known for her kind and caring nature, maybe you could offer an act of kindness in her memory.

• Reach out to support services today and the days ahead - you are not alone in your grief, there are people here to listen to and support you. The Cruse helpline is open from 10am-4pm. You can call the free helpline on: 0800 808 1677.

• Leave a dedication to Her Majesty The Queen - Cruse have created a Garden of Remembrance to allow those who would like to, to leave an online tribute in her memory: https://garden-of-remembrance.dedicationpage.org/.

• Leave a personal dedication in memory of your loved one - we understand today can cause you to feel your own grief, this is normal. To honour your grief, you may like to make a tribute on the A Sea of Yellow Hearts page over on the Cruse website: https://cruse.dedicationpage.org/yellowhearts.

• Be kind to yourself - practice self-care today and everyday. Give space and acknowledgement to how you are feeling and do what feels right to you.

National Grief Awareness Day 2022

Hey there- to those grieving, today is very much for you. For those who have lived and are living through the loss of someone so special. For those who know a loss so big that it’s shaken and re-arranged their whole world in more ways than one- we see you and we stand with you. 

But, today is also for those who haven’t walked the grief path just yet. It’s true when they say that you cannot understand grief until you’ve experienced it - and even then grief is as individual as a snowflake.. even for two people living the loss of the same loved one. However, grief should be everyone’s business. And you might ask, why is that? Well, grief is something we will all have to meet face-to-face some day. We may try to walk on by, but grief has to be felt and lived through. The more we tend to ignore it, the harder it can become to deal with when we have no choice but to face it. 

Grieving or not, we should all be ‘grief aware’. We must build compassionate communities which choose to understand and give space to those grieving.

Here’s five reasons why grief awareness matters: 

1. To tackle the taboo around talking about dying, death and bereavement

2. To allow for a wide-spread, better understanding of grief to facilitate compassionate communities

3. To better prepare people so that they may be able to cope easier when someone they love dies

4. To challenge societies misconceptions of grief and loss

5. To make individuals aware of grief support available

So what can you do this grief awareness day?

-Talk openly about death, dying and bereavement. Share your thoughts and feelings- open up those conversations. Talking about it, won’t make it happen. 

-Be a grief ally to someone who has lost a loved one. Meet them in the middle of their grief. Ask them what you can do for them. Or, just be a listening ear. Grief is isolating- make sure they know they are not alone. 

-Spread the word about bereavement support available, encourage your loved one to give it a go. 

-Volunteer with your local Cruse office. You can help to support bereaved children, young people or adults. To find out more about volunteering, check out the Cruse website here: https://www.cruse.org.uk/get-involved/volunteer/. 

 If you are a young person and feel you are in need of some extra support - please reach out to us: hopeagain@cruse.org.uk. 

 If you are an adult, you can make contact with your local Cruse office here: www.cruse.org.uk.

You can also call the freephone Cruse helpline on: 0808 808 1677 - the opening hours are: 

• Monday: 9.30am-5pm

• Tuesday: 9.30am-8pm

• Wednesday: 9.30am-8pm

• Thursday: 9.30am-8pm

• Friday: 9.30am-5pm

• Saturday and Sunday: 10am -2pm

 If you are over 18, you may prefer to use the CruseChat feature over on the website. CruseChat is free and it’s open Monday-Friday 9am-9pm, offering you the opportunity to chat with a bereavement counsellor. Find out more here: www.cruse.org.uk/crusechat. 

 Look after yourself for the week ahead and know your are never alone in your grief. There is always someone ready to listen. 

A letter to my Dad on the countdown to Father's Day 2022

My name is Ashleigh, I am 25 years old and I’ve just started working in my first full time job after finishing university. I got involved with Hope Again after my Dad died in 2016 from cancer. He died 23 days before my 19th birthday after nearly 6 years of living with cancer. I may be biased but he really was the ‘Best Dad in the World’!! I joined this grief club without ever wanting to and I’m sure many of you feel the same.

Please see below my letter to my Dad on this upcoming Father’s Day.. wherever he may be. 

Dear Daddy,

How will you be spending Father’s Day? I wish I knew. I wish you could tell me. I hope the 19th is filled with all the things you love. You were a simple man, never wished for much. You didn’t like much of a fuss. It was just another day to you. 

I know physically you aren’t here anymore, but you’re still my Daddy, you will always be my Daddy.. no matter how much time passes, no matter what age I am. 

I don’t know how you’ll be spending your Father’s Day, but I can tell you how I’ll be spending mine. I’ll be remembering you, like I do everyday. I’ll visit your grave and place the hippie van I planted with flowers near your headstone. I’ll share my fondest memories of you and us together. I’ll flick through Instagram and FaceBook seeing the endless posts attributed to Dads. It’ll hurt, like it always does.. but it will also remind me of those blessed 18 years I did have with you. I’ll feel every emotion that comes my way as I know grief is the price we pay for love.

I feel abit more experienced now in grief, in my own grief anyway. These feelings are familiar, as this will be my 7th Father’s Day navigating through them. I remember reading a quote which said ‘be the things you love most about the people who are gone’. It’s always stuck with me.

Daddy, I will continue trying everyday to be more like you. To be more like the wonderful human-being you were. We need more of you in this world. I really wish you were still here. But, I feel like I’ll see you again. I hope I’ll see you again.

All my love, your proud daughter, Ash x. 

This letter is for anyone who’s Father’s Day isn’t how they’d wish for it to be. I hope this letter can encourage you to write a letter to your loved one or to express how you are feeling in a way which feels right to you. You’re never alone in your grief, contact us for support if you’re struggling: hopeagain@cruse.org.uk.

Volunteer Week: 1st-7th June 2022

Cruse Bereavement Support hold the privilege of having 4,000 volunteers across England, Wales and NI. In 2021, our volunteers supported over 27,000 individuals on their grief journey at a time when they needed it most. 

To be quite frank, our support services would not operate without the wonderful time and dedication offered by our volunteers. Those who put countless hours into their passion of caring for others at the most difficult time in their lives- the loss of their special loved one. 

You can volunteer with your local branch, through our helpline or with our fantastic fundraising team to raise vital funds to support more bereaved people than ever before. To find out more, click the links below: 

Local Branch- https://www.cruse.org.uk/get-involved/volunteer/local-volunteering-opportunities/

Helpline- https://www.cruse.org.uk/get-involved/volunteer/become-a-helpline-volunteer/

Fundraising Team- https://www.cruse.org.uk/get-involved/volunteer/fundraising-volunteers/

So, this volunteers week- a huge thank-you to all our volunteers across the UK who make a difference in the lives of bereaved children, young people and adults.. and we couldn’t do it without you!! 

Grief... what is it?

Losing someone we love can be one of the hardest things anyone will ever experience but it is something we all go through at one point in our lives. However when you’re young ,it can be even harder to understand all that is going on when feeling these losses.

In the simplest terms, grief means we experience the loss of someone we love, that they are no longer physically with us and in turn we feel so many different emotions that can be really hard to cope with. But, what does grief actually look like for young people?

Grief affects us all in many different ways. There is no one set process in which we all follow when we lose someone. For some people, grief means they will have a constant feeling of sadness almost like there is a black cloud hanging over their head which feels like it will never leave them. For others, it can be a mix of emotions. One day you wake up and you are able to be ok, you can feel happy in moments and try to continue with your day but those dark clouds can slowly start making their way back reminding you about what or who you no longer have. It could even be that you don’t know what you feel, losing someone can cause you to feel almost empty of emotions like the loss is so big there is simply no words to describe how you feel.

Grief can be really scary for anyone at any age but the important thing to remember is that it can get better. It is not something that will ever fully disappear. Sometimes, people are able to deal with their grief better through time, they process their feelings, learn to cope and try their best to move forward with their lives. For others, grief comes in waves, everyday and every year is different. You may feel the loss so strongly that the feelings last a long time or maybe you deal with it but in years to come or on special days you are reminded of that loss. All these feelings are normal. When we love someone so much learning to live without them can seem impossible but when we open up and talk to people about how we fee,l then we can slowly start to feel better.

Grief does not have to be something bad, it shows the love you will always hold for someone, as hard as it is, grief can resemble just how important that person was and still is to you. As the great Winnie the Pooh once said “How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard”.

Thank-you to Emer from Team Hope Again for your contribution to our blog with this piece. We are sure it will help many young people navigating their loss.