Advice for Parents/Guardians       

Here are some practical ideas & advice from other parents and young people about how you can support your child/young person after the death of a loved one:

  • When talking about death, be direct - Avoid the use of euphemisms for death and dying. These are often used to protect children/YP but instead can cause more harm and confusion, especially for younger children who may not understand that death is final. Euphemisms can be words such as: passed/slipped away, fell asleep and at peace now. It’s important to use concrete words like died/dead. Explain that the person can’t be cold or afraid of the dark etc.

  • Try to keep your child’s/YP’s routine as normal as possible - This will reduce feelings of anxiety.

  • Tell your child what to expect - This could include what to expect at the funeral or at a wake/funeral parlour. Answer any of their questions open and honestly, this will benefit them in years to come.

  • Be prepared for special days - Such as birthdays, Christmas & anniversaries of their loved one’s death. Be aware that the lead up to these events can sometimes be harder than the actual day itself. Nothing spectacular needs to be planned, it is just about having the understanding that these special days can cause changes in feelings and behaviour.

  • Keep their school/college informed - This is important so that their school can be aware of possible time off. More importantly, so that they can understand behavioural changes and signs to look out for.

  • Give your child time to heal - Don’t rush the grieving process, your child/YP will grieve at their own pace. Cruse support can help them to do this in a safe way.

  • Just listen - This can be so empowering for your child/YP. It is such a simple way to offer support but can be so comforting for you child/YP. For them to know that they have someone who will listen and give them space to vent when needed most.

  • Get practical support - 1 in 3 children will need professional support after a bereavement. At Cruse, we offer free face to face counselling sessions for both children & adults which last for 1 hour for around 6-8 weeks. Due to Covid-19, this support is currently being offered over the phone or through Zoom to children/YP. Please use the link below to locate your nearest Cruse office. For young people under 18, a parent or guardian will need to make a call to their nearest Cruse office on their behalf to have sessions commenced.

  • Don’t avoid what has happened - Encourage their own expression of feelings. No two people will grieve in the same way, no matter what age/gender/race they are. It is important that your child/YP understands that this is ok, so they feel comfortable to express how they are feeling. Reassure them that the death of their loved one wasn’t their fault. Be honest about the cause of death no matter how daunting this may seem. (see Winston’s Wish “Beyond the Rough Rock” for guidance on dealing with suicide bereavement).

  • Remember together - Sharing feelings together is precious and healing. It reassures your child/YP that what they are feeling is totally normal and that they are not alone. Remembering together can be done in the form of making a scrapbook filled with memories. It can also be done by making a memory box to hold mementos in of the person who died.

  • Don’t forget to look after yourself -The more you look after your own health & well-being, the more prepared you will be to look after your child/YP’s. Be aware of your own grief & let them see your good and bad days, don't be afraid to cry with your child. Be honest about your personal feelings and your child/YP will be more likely to share their own.

Click here for Cruse Youth Forum Wisdom on how to support children and young people when you are lost for words.

If you would like to sign post young people to Hope Again, please click on 2 links and download the Hope Again posters- Poster 1, Poster 2

For more information about supporting bereaved children, click here.

If you would like to set up counselling sessions for your child/YP, you can find your nearest Cruse office here.

You can also call our freephone helpline on: 0808 808 1677.

Or, If you would like to get more personal advice, you can email our National Helpline on the following email: helpline@cruse.org.uk.