Grieving at Christmas

Grieving at Christmas Time

Grieving the loss of a special loved one is hard all year round. However, there is no doubt that the pang of grief can feel much more intense at times when the world comes together, such as Christmas. We wanted to share some important tips on how to cope and ways in which you can practice self-care when missing your loved one this festive period.

How to cope

It’s important to remember how individual grieving actually is. What can work for one young person, may not work for you and that is ok. It’s about finding what does work for you and what can be a healthy outlet for your grief when you need it most.

Make time and space to remember your loved one

Making time and space to remember your loved one can be in any way which feels right to you. For example, you might want to leave an empty chair at the dinner table as an act of remembrance. Or, you may want to make a toast to your loved one and take time with those closest to you to share your thoughts, feelings and memories about your special person.

Decide what would be the most comfortable way for you to celebrate this festive season

We already know that Christmas can be a very pressured time of year for many due to a number of reasons. In grief, this can be felt even more so due to the overwhelming nature of the season on top of missing a very important person in your life. Therefore, we think it is best that you ‘celebrate’ the season in whatever way feels right for you. This could be by allowing yourself to take part in your usual festivities. It could also be by allowing yourself to step away from plans if you’re not feeling so ‘merry & bright’. We always encourage young people where possible to make a plan A or a plan B, so that you can choose on the day what supports you best in your grief. We understand as a young person, you usually follow what your parents/guardians and family organise for Christmas plans. It’s important that if you feel uncomfortable with these, that you can express this to those closest to you in the hope that things can be adjusted.

Remember, everyone grieves differently

As we mentioned above, we all grieve in our own way and that is perfectly normal. Especially at a time when we all come together, it’s important to remember that those within your family or friend group who are grieving a loss may choose to honour their grief in a way that might look different to you. This means giving space and acceptance to others in their grief journey at Christmas time.

Make time to practice self-care

It is important that you make time to practice self-care as much as possible for your own mental health and well-being. Prioritising self-care within your grief journey could be that much needed healthy outlet for you. Self-care is not selfish and it’s up to you what that might look like. Check out our ‘practicing self-care’ page for some ideas.

Share how you are feeling

It can feel really heavy carrying your grief and all the thoughts and feelings which come with it. It can sometimes feel easier to keep those feelings to yourself, through fear of embarrassment, feeling misunderstood, or in this case, not to ‘ruin’ the festive feelings for anyone else. However, this isn’t true - your grief never has to be hidden away or carried alone, no matter what time of year it is. Try to share how your grief is making you feel with those closest to you - although they may not understand, they can be there to listen and sharing your grief can feel really empowering.

Reach out

Sometimes young people want to reach out for support, but feel this would be better if it were outside of their usual support group. This is ok and totally normal - support is available in many forms over the Christmas period:

You can email us anytime at ‘hopeagain@cruse.org.uk’ and a bereaved young person will reply as soon as possible.
Call the Cruse Bereavement Support helpline for free on: 0808 808 1677. You can find the Christmas opening hours, here.
If you find yourself in a crisis and are in need of immediate mental health support, you can:
- Call or email Samaritans for free, they are available 24/7. Contact details are: 116 123 (Phone) and ‘jo@samaritans.org’ (email),
- If opened, you could contact your GP for an emergency appointment,
- Seek help at your nearest Accident and Emergency Department (The circumstances at your local A&E may have change due to Covid-19, please check this),
- Call 999 and ask for an ambulance, or ask someone you trust to do this for you or take you to the nearest accident and emergency department,
- You could use the organisation ‘Mind’ urgent help tool (this is for people who need immediate support),
- You could look at the resource from ‘Mind’ called ‘How can I cope right now?’.

Ways to remember

Christmas can be a very upsetting and overwhelming time when missing someone special. However, there are ways in which you can remember and honour their memory, check them out below:

Practice old traditions in their memory

Special times of year can bring about traditions which people practice together. This could be putting up the Christmas decorations, baking, writing Christmas cards together - maybe these are things you did with your loved one who has died. Whatever it may be, if you find comfort in continuing these traditions in their memory, then do just that.

Create new traditions

Maybe you don’t want to practice the old traditions without your loved one, and that is ok. Instead, you could make new ones in their memory.

Buy them a gift

This may not be for everyone, but buying a gift or writing a card to your loved one may bring you comfort at this time of year when missing them most.

Do something they enjoyed

Do something they enjoyed as an act of remembrance. This could be eating their favourite food, watching their favourite Christmas movie or visiting somewhere which was special to them.

Create an online tribute for them

Cruse Bereavement Support have created a ‘Sea of Yellow Hearts’ as a way to invite individuals to remember their special loved one by sharing a photo and message online over the festive period.