I read this quote a couple of weeks ago when mindlessly scrolling through social media. One of the grief accounts that I follow on Instagram shared it and it’s stuck with me ever since.
As a grieving young person, in the early days.. we have no choice but to feel what we are going through. Grief becomes stitched into every fibre of our being, it’s right in our face at every twist and turn. But the real question is, are we really letting ourselves feel it- or just going through the motions? That being said doesn’t dismiss the reality and depth of those deep and raw emotions in the beginning of your grief journey and even so weeks, months or years down the line.
I lean into grief now, rather than lean away. I understand my grief better.. well, as much as I can. Grief can be unpredictable and uncomfortable. It can arrive without warning and by arrive I mean when it rears it’s ugly head making it a ‘griefy’ day. To me, it’s never just arrived out of the blue, the intensity of it has just been heightened each time. My grief has never really left me. Even on days when it hurts the most, I don’t want it to ever leave. They say that grief is our last act of love and I have found comfort in that fact as the years have passed. I would only trade in my grief if I could have my special person back. By knowing that that can never happen, I choose to nurture my grief. To give it space on the days when it needs it most. To share it with others or to hide it away. To nurture it in whatever way is best for me and my grief on that particular day. Grief is ever changing - I guess just how we are and just how are relationships with our loved ones can change.. in this life or the next.
In the early days of my grief journey, if someone told me I needed to ‘feel it, to heal it’… I’d have been unimpressed and probably would have never approached them with my grief. It’s only now as I’ve traveled this journey that I can understand and give time to this phrase. That isn’t to say that feeling your grief will heal it, it can’t ever be healed and will be something you and I will carry forever. It’s just that feeling it, can make the load feel less heavy to carry.
Feeling your grief can take shape in many forms. This may be writing letters to your loved one, journaling, listening to music, going for a walk, having a good cry or reminiscing about times shared with your special person. It’s important to find what works best for you and honouring that. Grieving is hard, really, really hard and there is no rule book to get you through it. Just know that what you are feeling is valid and that you don’t have to go through those feelings alone.
If you think that talking about your loved one and the grief you now hold could help, be sure to reach out to those closest to you for support. You can also find support from us at Hope Again or through your local Cruse office, the helpline or the CruseChat service here in the UK. You can reach out for support via-
📞Free helpline: 0808 808 1677
💻Our email: hopeagain@cruse.org.uk
💬 CruseChat (if over 18), to speak with a trained grief counsellor online: https://www.cruse.org.uk/get-support/crusechat/.
