Public service announcement!!! No one, not a single soul can fully understand grief. Somedays, sitting quietly in the corner of the room.... others chewing us up and spitting us out. The unpredictability of grief is hard to accept. We sometimes feel we should be ‘further along’ in our grief journey. When a big grief wave comes, we may feel back at square one. This isn’t true, no one has grief figured out, so don’t feel you are lagging behind. Look after yourself this weekend, practice some self-care.
Your story matters, your loved one matters and your grief is valid.
It's ok to sit with your sadness!
Taking time to sit with your sadness is one of the best things you can do. Acknowledging those deep feelings and giving them a seat at the table can be instrumental to your grief journey. It’s normal to be sad when someone you love dies, it’s also normal not to feel sad too. Whatever you are feeling, give it space, let it happen. Remember, grief is just love, with no place to go.
How long will grief last? When does this end?
The devastating fact of grief is the permanency of it. It’s not a task to be completed and ticked off the to do list. You don’t just lose that person when they die, but for the rest of your life, in all those big and small moments. This is a conversation in bereavement that needs to be normalised, so that those outside of the grief club can understand that loss is for a life time. Our people are our people, forever. Grieve whatever way feels right for you, never let anyone tell you that you need to ‘get over it’ or ‘move on’ from your loss. You can only ever move forward with the memory and deep love which you continue to share with your loved one.
Your absence has gone through me like a thread.
‘Your absense has gone through me like a thread through a needle. Everything I do is stitched with it’s colour’ - W.S Merwin
Loss changes us, it blankets over every aspect of our lives. We begin to think of ourselves as two different people. Our original self before the loss of a loved one and the changed version now. Sometimes I wish I could be my orginal self, I miss the naivety, the carelessness and the ability to not think so far ahead. Nevertheless, death has taught me many valuable lessons. The dark depths of grief, the lessons and precious values it teaches along the way, go hand in hand. I always say, I would never change my grief and I never want it to end. My grief is my new shaped love for my Dad. The acceptance of loss doesn’t mean I miss my Dad any less, it just means I don’t fight with my grief.. I feel it every time it swells bigger than my ‘everyday grief’.
What do you think? Do you feel your grief stitched through you? Is there parts of you that have changed that you miss? Or, are there parts of you that are different now for the better?
#BlueMonday
Today marks #BlueMonday, which can be described as ‘the most depressing day of the year’. Seems ironic after the year we’ve had.
After the loss of a loved one, everyday can feel like Blue Monday. We must give space to those feelings, acknowledge them. The only way to heal is to feel. Grief is just love with no place to go.
2020 changed many of us in more ways than one. Let’s move forward with the lessons that those hardships have taught us. Let’s move forward with the lessons from our special loved ones.
If you’re feeling deflated today and this message makes you want to scroll past.. please email: hopeagain@cruse.org.uk or call the free phone Cruse helpline on: 0808 808 1677.
You are never ever alone, even on Blue Monday.
