Whatever is good for your grief - do that.

You might know exactly what to do when that grief wave hits, or you might have no clue at all. It’s important to know that you don’t need to have it figured out. Truth is, no-one has grief sussed out. Just when we thought we did… bang - a brand new feeling or emotion is unlocked and we feel right back to square one.

We wanted to share with you some ideas for what you can do on a day that feels more ‘griefy’ than others:

1. Take time out to journal - writing your thoughts and feelings down in one place can be really empowering. It can also help to ‘declutter’ your busy mind.

2. Breathing exercises and meditation - you can download free apps or take to YouTube to find specific exercises or meditation techniques that are right for you.

3. Spend time outdoors - choose to re-connect with nature. Studies show that spending time outdoors can significantly improve mental well-being (an area which is massively impacted by grief).

4. Have a lazy day/ take a nap - its important to re-charge, grief can be exhausting - if napping is your thing, take time out for that and don’t feel guilty about it.

5. Spend time with your nearest and dearest - some people feel best supported in their grief when being around those who understand them most.

6. Binge watch your favourite TV show or movies - set time aside to chill and do something you enjoy, whether that’s alone or with someone you love.

7. Make time to reminisce - some people find comfort in looking through photographs, eating their loved ones favourite food or going to a place you use to enjoy together.

8. Accept how you feel, no matter how that looks - give space to your grief and all the emotions that come with it. Losing a loved one is world-halting, your new thoughts and feelings are normal.

9. Write a letter to your loved one - put everything you wish you could say in one place. It’s a lovely way to honour the bond you still share with them.

10. Read a book, maybe even a grief book - feeling connected to others who understand can really help to break the isolation which loss can create. Reading about grief can also help you to better understand your own thoughts and feelings.

Remember, there is no right or wrong way to grieve - no rule book to follow. Grief is a journey rather than a destination. Look after your head and heart, grief is just love. We feel grief so deeply because we have loved and continue to love - grief is sadly the price we pay. Never forget that you are not alone in your loss. There is a community of young people across the world who have been and will be right where you are - navigating life without their special loved one. Find comfort in that fact, but know that when it feels to heavy to carry, that you can reach out for support.

If you’d like to connect with a bereaved young person, send us an email at: hopeagain@cruse.org.uk.

Choosing to stay soft, not hardened by our grief.

Choosing to stay soft even when the world and all our experiences try to harden us. As a young person, we shouldn't have to. But I guess in a sense we have matured before our time - we have had to feel many emotions that most adults will not have felt yet. We have experienced true heart-break and loss much earlier than expected or planned. This is not what we thought would be part of our younger years.

The easy option would be to harden, to feel overwhelming anger, to hold a tainted view of the world - some days will still be like that. By choosing to stay soft, acknowledge your feelings and giving space to our grief - we choose to let go of as much hurt as we can. We let the love outgrow the pain, the anger and the loss.

We choose to live and to love, just how our special person has taught us too - just how they hoped we would. Don't let this world or your grief harden you - feel every emotion that comes your way and know that the bond you share with your loved one still exists.

For support, advice and a type of signposting service, send an email to us at: hopeagain@cruse.org.uk and a bereaved young person will reply.

You can and you will find hope again after your loss, but you don't have to do it alone.

Grow Through What You Go Through!

We are growing through all that we are going through.

Even though it’s not what we wanted, not how we planned for it to be. I think it’s safe to say, us bereaved young people are made of strong stuff. We keep pushing on no matter what.

We also stop in the midst of our grief to feel - we are self-aware and mindful of how tough it really is. Never underestimate what you have been through and are continuing to live through. Proud would be an understatement, take time to acknowledge all that has happened - no matter how long it’s been.

Look after yourself and live in your proudly grief. Remember, grief is just love with no place to go.

Father's Day 2021

A multifaceted response to loss - was what I read when I googled,

‘what is grief?’ 

And it struck me, right in the chest, and left me with the feeling I felt the day my dad died. How perfectly put. There are so many faces to grief. Many that I know more than I’d like and many I’m yet to meet. 

The heavy feeling in my chest weighed on me like an anchor of a ship. Heavier than words could describe, pulling me down further and further. That was in the early days of my grief journey. I genuinely believed it would never lift, the only person who could lift it was my daddy- how ironic. 

5 years on, now 24, I’m much closer to the surface. Most days I feel like I’ve caught my breath, there’s no longer a constant weight on my chest. But it sometimes lingers in other ways. Anxiety, forgetfulness, hyper-independence, a tainted view of the world, to name a few. One thing I really miss is my naivety at 18 - no bad feeling seemed to last too long because I believed nothing was permanent. How wrong was I?! Do I miss the ‘old’ me? Yes. Do I want the old ‘me’ back? No. I don’t want to be the same ‘me’ that I was all those years ago. Why would I? How could I simply be the same after losing the most important person in my life. I breathe a sigh of relief that I’ve grown after all I’ve been through. 

In all honesty,  there are many wholesome things I’ve gained from my grief. I write this now in a good place. I may read this back and feel angry at my words. But hey, that’s grief, it’s ever-changing and I’m ok with that - I’ve come to accept that this really is a journey and not a destination. Grief has made me love much more deeply. I understand the fragility of life and how we must live while we can. I try to be more empathetic, grief has taught me how unique we are and how we all walk different paths in life. Grief has taught me to be more kind to myself. Grief has given me a special connection with other bereaved young people. It’s very strange, we can feel connected without saying a single word. I’m now part of a ‘grief club’ I thought I’d be joining much later in life. I’m thankful for many things grief has taught me. It’s part of me forever and I wouldn’t change that. My grief is my love for my dad and I never want to lose that part of me. 

My grief, in the beginning, felt like I was trying to carry a very large sack of rubble, spilling over, impossible to move. I was stuck right there with my grief whilst it felt like life was passing me by. Now, my grief feels like a small backpack. Some days my bag is so full it won’t close, others, I barely feel it there. My grief is always present but the contents and weight of it changes and I’ve come to learn that it’s ok. 

When you take a moment to reflect, I’m sure you can find things that have been added to or changed about your character because of grief - because grief changed you. But if you look really deep, there are so many mesmerising qualities you have gained from grief. Given, you’d still choose to have your loved one back over and over again. However, here you are, living and trying to make it through. I know it’s cliche and something not well thought of in the grief world - but your loved one is proud of you, of course they are. On a day like today, when you just want to hug them tight, please give all the love you have for them to yourself. You deserve it more than you know. 

This isn’t a heroic message to say all is well after a loved one dies. It’s an honest message to encourage yourself to feel and to prove that you are never alone. It’s to encourage you to grieve for the old you and of course for your loved one. Losing a loved one as a young person is hard, really really hard - take time to acknowledge what you are living through. 

From one grieving young person to another - I hope in some way you feel your loved ones love all around you more than ever today. I hope you find some peace and comfort. If you don’t feel peace and comfort (totally ok), give yourself the space to feel everything or nothing at all. I hope you can do what is right for you today, no shame, no ifs or buts.

If you need support today or if you’d like to share your grief journey with another bereaved young person, send an email to: hopeagain@cruse.org.uk or call the freephone helpline on 0808 808 1677 between 10am-2pm. If you are over 18, you can use the CruseChat feature, Mon-Fri from 9am-9pm here.

Men Do Not Cry

#MensHealthWeek

Watch this YouTube clip by Beverley Martin titled ‘Men Do Not Cry’.

A really emotive but fitting video to raise awareness that men and boys do cry and should feel able to cry.

‘Set your soul free, let your love overflow… this lifetime is short, like a beautiful dream. Love, laugh and cry.. nothing is what it seems’.

Grief can bring about a mixture of emotions and crying can be an outlet for that. Never be ashamed to express how you feel - especially as a young male. On the lead up to Father’s Day, we hope this video can resonate with anyone who is missing a special fatherly figure

You can email us at: hopeagain@cruse.org.uk or call the free phone helpline on: 0808 808 1677.

#mindyourhead #grief #breakthetaboo #grieveyourgrief #neveralone