Gen-Z and end-of-life wishes in the UK

As a society old and young, we still hold many reservations around talking about death. This has led to stigma surrounding the topic and ultimately the grief which follows. Therefore, bereaved people of all ages may struggle to be supported in their grief as they feel unable to reach out when they need it most. Or, they can feel unsupported as the topic of death can be avoided leading to little education in how to support grieving individuals.

However, a recent study performed by Farewill asked 2,000 people their opinion on death and dying in the UK. Firstly, they found that the pandemic made 1 in 3 people more open to talking about death. Interestingly, from the 2,000 individuals, it was found that 63% of the Gen-Z participants were more open than any other generation to talk about their end-of-life wishes. The Gen-Z group are said to be those born between the years of 1997-2012.

It is refreshing to read something so positive about our societies younger generations. It shows that we do care and that we do want to have a say in how we die. Although we have been branded by many a spokesperson as ‘snowflakes’ - studies like this show that we want to take charge of our futures whilst also trying to shape the futures of those we love. By speaking out about topics such as death and dying, we are trying to break the mold and end the taboo which society has created for many years. The study also found that 1/4 people say they don’t talk about death and dying because, ‘no-one else does’ - point proven. The study further found that 18-34 year olds were less likely to want a traditional funeral (where guests wear black, there’s a eulogy, hymns and prayers, a black hearse) because of concerns around the impact on the environment. The increase in environmental activism we’ve seen over the last few years seems to have had an impact on attitudes to death too.

Although death and dying is a very sensitive topic to talk about, we can make the grieving process that little bit easier for those we love by letting them know what matters most to us for the last time.

If you’d like to read more of the report by Farewill, you can click here.

We’d love to hear your thoughts on this report, you can comment below what you think.

As always, if you are grieving - reach out for support. Cruse and Hope Again want to support you in the best way we can, you never have to grieve alone. If you’d like to speak to someone about how you are feeling, reach out to us via email anytime: hopeagain@cruse.org.uk.

You can also call the freephone Cruse helpline on: 0808 808 1677.

If you’re over 18, you may also like to chat with a trained bereavement counsellor by using the CruseChat on the Cruse website. Their services are open Monday-Friday, 9am-9pm.

Remember, you have a purpose in this world - even when you are grieving. You are braver than you think and stronger than you know.

I miss the 'old' me

Many young people email expressing that they aren’t the person they used to be before their loved one died. They mention that grief came crashing into their lives- even when the death was to be expected. That their grief gave them a whole new identity - and whilst they grieve the loss of their loved one.. they also grieve the loss of their past self.

Grief turns up uninvited, you gain a membership to a club you never wanted to be apart of.. not that anyone would - but you gain this membership long before many others do. Grief reveals parts of you which you never knew existed - it alters your whole being in more ways than one. You can no longer see the world through rose tinted glasses. In many ways, grief is deep and dark. It’s all the emotions you could ever think of rolled into one at any given time. It’s hard to navigate and even harder to push away. Before grief, many of us just lived life day to day- no problem ever seemed to last too long, their was always a solution. Then boom, death happens and it’s truly the first time you realise the permanency of a situation. I think that’s what changes us- the realisation of knowing things are changed forever. The grief that comes with the permanency of death leaves scars. Scars which can dramatically change us.

With that being said, a very famous grief quote by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a Swiss-American psychiatrist known for her contribution to understanding grief once said, ‘The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to’. The last 3 lines explain the idea of losing the old you amongst your grief. How true - you can be whole again but never the old you.. and why would you ever want to be the same?! You’ve been through a life shattering event- the death of such a special human-being. How could you ever truly go back to who you once were. Some may say that continuing on as the old you can take away from the magnitude of your loss. Whatever you believe, learning to accept that the old you is also gone comes with its own hurt - as the old you was the one who physically experienced the bond with your loved one. Although grief is painful and heart-breaking, it can change us into kinder, more empathetic and gentle individuals. We can now understand how important each day is and how essential it is to let those in our lives know how much they matter to us, because life is too short not too.

So, grieve the old you.. but accept and nourish the new you. You’ve been through things you didn’t think you’d experience for a very, very long time. Accepting the new you won’t make you love or miss you loved one any less- it will just make your grief journey that boy easier to travel through. Remember, you never have to navigate your grief journey alone, there is always someone ready to walk with you for however long you need the extra support.

If you’d like to speak to someone about how you are feeling, reach out to us via email anytime: hopeagain@cruse.org.uk. You can also call the freephone Cruse helpline on: 0808 808 1677. If you’re over 18, you may also like to chat with a trained bereavement counsellor by using the CruseChat feature on the Cruse website. Their services are open Monday-Friday, 9am-9pm.

You matter, your grief matters and so does your loved ones memory.

Incase nobody told you today...

Reminders for members of the grief club:

1. Hold on tight to those who check in on you in your grief journey

2. Never give up

3. Don’t minimise your grief to manage other people’s comfortability

4. Your grief journey will look different to someone else’s and that is ok

5. Never underestimate the power of letting your emotions out

6. You matter, your grief matters and so does your loved ones memory

7. You never have to go through it alone

If you are grieving, we hope you can connect with these reminders. Sometimes, as young people, we can be expected to just get on with things and our feelings and grief can often feel undermined. Please never forget how special you truly are and that the connection you still share with your loved one is everlasting and as important as it ever was.

If you’d like to speak to someone about how you are feeling, reach out to us via email anytime: hopeagain@cruse.org.uk. You can also call the freephone Cruse helpline on: 0808 808 1677. If you’re over 18, you may also like to chat with a trained bereavement counsellor by using the CruseChat feature on the Cruse website. Their services are open Monday-Friday, 9am-9pm.

Please reach out if you are struggling - there is always someone ready to listen and to share the weight of your grief with you.

My grief is different to your grief, and yours different to mine.

In the early days, grief can feel like a thunderstorm. A relentless thunderstorm with no end. Even when you go inside for shelter, the thunderstorm still blasts and rumbles outside, no chance for a break - this is grief in the early days or when a ‘griefy’ day presents itself further down the line. As time passes, the thunderstorm gently lifts, becoming more like a rainy day - still visible but much more bearable. Again, as more time passes, the rainy days may become few and far between. However, it’s always possible for a thunderstorm to appear. This is how grief can feel immediately after the loss of a loved one, for quite a long time. The thing with grief is, there is no timeline, no right or wrong way to experience it. My grief is different to your grief, and yours different to mine. Some say grief is as unique as a snowflake- it’s as unique as the person who has died. Therefore, you are the owner of your grief. No one can tell you how to think or feel about your loss as no-one has grief figured out. A piece of advice would be to feel all of your grief or nothing at all. That might sound abit confusing- what it means is to sit with your emotions and every one of them when the thunderstorm hits. Or, feel nothing at all - the message here is to let your emotions be, don’t push them away, but don’t force them either. Grief is really hard to navigate, there is no rule book to follow. Just know that you never have to face the thunderstorm alone. There is always someone waiting and ready to share the weight of your grief with you. Whether that be a friend, family member, teacher or someone from Cruse/ Hope Again.

If you feel like you need someone to talk to, you can call the free Cruse helpline: 0808 808 1677 or, email us anytime at: hopeagain@cruse.org.uk and a bereaved young person will reply.

See your grief emotions as the weather, ever-changing but the storm always passes.

'Be the things you love most about the person who is gone'.

This is a really popular grief quote which has been circulating the grief community on social media recently, and for obvious reasons. How comforting is it to think that we can still hold a piece of our loved one with us forever. We can choose to be all the things that we love most about them. I say ‘love’ in present tense, rather than past. This is because the love never ends, it doesn’t die with our special loved one. On that thought, this is why we can continue to honour our loved ones who we have lost. In a sense, we never truly lose them. Our loved ones are more of us than we even realise. Many believe that as human-beings, we are made-up of all the experiences we have been a part of - and all the people who have crossed our path, no matter how big or small of an impact they have made.

Find comfort in knowing this - knowing that you can continue to be all the things you still love and will forever love about your person. Sending love and warm thoughts to anyone who needs it today. Remember, there is whole community of young people grieving the loss of an amazing soul who can never be forgotten. Reach out if you are feeling alone in your grief, you are never ever alone - there is always someone waiting to listen and share the weight of your grief with you.

What are your thoughts on this grief quote? We’d love to read them - comment below or send an email to: hopeagain@cruse.org.uk. You can also send us your favourite grief quotes to be featured on ‘Grief Quote Corner’ on our homepage.