#TimeToTalkDay 2022

#TimeToTalkDay, created by Mind and Rethink Mental Illness is the nations biggest mental health conversation. We know that sharing our thoughts and feelings holds the power to reshape our lives . Especially in a time when grief can destroy all we have ever known and change the course of our future in more ways than one. That’s why this year we are supporting the #TimeToTalk campaign this year as a way to support children and young people who have been bereaved and the devastating impact this can have upon mental health and well-being. However you choose to start the conversation, whether that’s about your own grief or in a way to support someone you love, take a look at our top tips below:

How to support yourself:

1. Be honest in how you are feeling. We understand that sharing how you are truly feeling can be daunting and overwhelming. But, only good can ever come of this. Whether that is a loved one understanding what they can do to support you or allowing you to gain access to the more suitable support services.

2. Seek support in specialised services. Whether that support is through your GP, Cruse Bereavement Support or an online platform such as bereavement support group - find what works best for you. You never have to grieve alone - there is a community of bereaved young people out there ready to walk alongside you on your grief journey.

3. Know that talking doesn’t need to be your outlet. Not all bereaved young people feel comfortable in sharing their thoughts and feelings surrounding their grief and that is ok. If you don’t feel like talking, be sure to find a different outlet which works for you. If things become overwhelming and difficult to cope with, then it might be the time to share these feelings with a parent, guardian or friend you can trust.

How to support others:

1. Give them your time and attention. Show up and be present - a loved one choosing to share their grief with you can be scary and anxiety-provoking. Be sure to be in the moment with them.

2. Don’t try to fix it. Simply, grief is unfixable, nothing you can say or do can fix that they loved one is gone. The reality is that trying to ‘fix’ their loss can leave them feeling unvalidated in their grief. Just being there and offering a listening ear is sometimes more than enough. To be seen is to be heard.

3. Ask Twice and ask questions. We tend to ask ‘how are you'?’ in everyday conversation to be polite, without really paying attention to the response. For comfortability, we tend to answer along the lines of ‘fine, thanks - and you?’. But really, what if we aren’t fine? By asking twice, it allows you to reinforce your genuineness in your question. By also asking further questions, it allows natural room for the conversation to grow. If your loved one doesn’t feel ready to answer truthfully now, that is ok and you haven’t done something wrong. Instead, they will now know you are someone they can open up to in the future.

4. Keep it informal. You don’t have to organise a formal, counselling type session to truly support your loved one. Don’t over think it - your willingness to show up will send a clear message to your loved one in the midst of their grief. Why not organise a walk, a chat over a cuppa or even send a text.

5. Look after yourself, too. Caring for someone who has been bereaved and seeing the impact this can have upon their mental health can be distressing. Be sure to practice self-care and take time to look after your mind. You could even find a friend or family member which you could approach about hoe supporting your loved one is making you feel as a way of release. It’s important to look after you too.

6. It’s ok to stay silent. You don’t need to fill all the gaps in the conversation with words. Sometimes, just taking the time to let the words fill the room and digest what has been said is both empowering for you and your loved one you are supporting.

Grief can affect every part of our being, whether that is our physical, social, spirtual or mental well-being. It is always important to find what can help you to feel less alone on the darker days. Maybe that is talking or maybe it’s not. Whatever it is, Cruse Bereavement Support are here to help you navigate your way through those difficult times. If you’d like to speak to someone about how you are feeling, reach out to us via email anytime: hopeagain@cruse.org.uk.

You can also call the freephone Cruse helpline on: 0808 808 1677.

If you’re over 18, you may also like to chat with a trained grief counsellor by using the CruseChat on the Cruse website. Their services are open Monday-Friday, 9am-9pm.

But wait, what is grief?!

When a loved one dies, we hear those around us talk about the grieving process or say things like 'that's because you're grieving'. But, what exactly is grief? It's not something we are taught about in school or college, it is only something we learn about by experience. This is what makes you guys experts by experience.

Its important to understand that grief is as individual as a snowflake and that many factors can affect this. For example, your personality, your culture & faith, your relationship with your loved one and possibly the circumstances surrounding how they died. Therefore, we must be understanding and accepting of how grief looks and feels for each person.

So, what do you think grief is? What does it look and feel like to you? Maybe there were certain thoughts, feelings, behaviours and physical symptoms you experienced or are experiencing because of your grief.

Share them below - we'd love to read them!

Happy New Year… but, how can I be happy when I’m entering a new year without them?!

New Years, you either love it or hate it. But, New Years can be especially hard when grieving the loss of a loved one. Whether that be leaving behind the year that you lost them in, or just entering a whole other year without them again. Just like Christmas, new year is filled with joy, love, and celebrations galore. But, how could you ever view it that way when your most favourite person isn’t physically coming with you. It’s important to know that it’s ok if you don’t like New Years because of this. It’s equally ok to love New Years and find comfort in being around those closest to you. Let your entry into 2022 look whatever way feels right to you. 

We deeply hope that you feel your loved one’s presence around you more than ever before. Although they cannot be with you how you hoped, or imagined.. your loved one is and always will be more of you than you know. 

You can never truly lose someone you love. They are wrapped in every fibre and piece of your being and they always will be. Aslong as you live, so will their love and legacy. Look after yourself this New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day.  If you’re needing someone to talk to, send us an email: hopeagain@cruse.org.uk and a bereaved young person will get back to you as soon as possible. The Cruse, free helpline is also open over the weekend from 10am-2pm on: 0808 808 1677.

Sending love and warm thoughts as always, 

Team Hope Again. 

National Grief Awareness Week 2021

National Grief Awareness Week (2nd-8th December 2021)

We stand with all the organisations taking part this week to raise awareness for those facing one of the most difficult times in their lives.

Although grief can feel deep and isolating - you’re never alone. There is a whole community of individuals out there missing someone very special. They understand what it’s like to walk alongside grief everyday. Cruse are here for any adult, young person or child needing bereavement support.

Specifically, our Hope Again website is here for bereaved children and young people- we’ve created a safe space for them to navigate their way through their grief journey: https://www.hopeagain.org.uk.

Our message is to look after yourself and know that you matter and so do your feelings. If you are not bereaved, be a grief ally to someone when they need it most.

If you or someone you know needs to talk, you/they can reach out for support via-

Free helpline: 0808 808 1677

Our children and young person email: hopeagain@cruse.org.uk

CruseChat, to speak with a trained bereavement volunteer online: https://www.cruse.org.uk/get-support/crusechat/.

Coexistence in our grief - Part One: Sadness and Joy

Many things can coexist in our grief. Grief is not linear, it’s not black and white with a list of thoughts and feelings we must tick off along the way. This means that it’s ok to feel both ends of the spectrum when missing someone special. Examples of things that can coexist include, sadness and joy, hurt and love and lastly, grief and hope. This will be a 3-part blog, exploring the different thoughts and feelings that may seem like opposites, but in actual fact can peacefully coexist together in your grief.

First up this week is sadness and joy. We are allowed to feel deep sadness when someone we love has died. Sadness is one of the key emotions many people express that they feel in their grief. Sadness can be described as an emotional pain associated with, or characterised by, feelings of disadvantage, loss, despair, grief, helplessness, disappointment and sorrow. Sadness can be seen in many shapes and forms in our grief. This can be a physical show of grief such as crying, it could be having sad thoughts or it could be behaving in a certain way due to sadness . However, sadness can coexist with joy. It’s sounds strange, you might be thinking, ‘how can I ever feel joy about the death of my loved one?’. The truth is, there is so much space for joy in your grief. It is said that joy can be described as great happiness or pleasure. You might feel joy that your loved one is no longer suffering. You might feel joy upon reflection of the bond you share with your loved one and having them as part of your life, even after death. 

On the other hand, you might also be thinking, ‘how can I ever feel joy again?’. Many young people express feeling guilt when they feel happiness and joy in their grief. They begin to question how they could ever be happy again and in a sense can feel their happiness is an injustice to the person that has died. Many young people tend to feel that feeling joy again is disrespectful to their loved one, as if it takes away from the value of their grief. This is untrue and in actual fact, your loved one would want you to be happy again. You can feel happiness after loss but still continue to love and miss your special person at the same time. The main message from this is that these things can and do coexist, and that one side of the coin does not hold more value than the other. Sadness is just as important as joy in your grief and vice versa. 

In hindsight of it all, it’s important to remember that it is YOUR grief and YOUR loved one. You decide how you grieve and what grief looks like to you. You decide what thoughts and feelings can coexist together. Never feel guilty or ashamed of those feelings. It’s guaranteed, what you are feeling, another bereaved young person has felt too. Be in charge of your own grief and remember and honour your loved one whatever way feels right for you. 

Remember, Cruse Bereavement Support and Hope Again are here to support you when you need it most. You can call our free national helpline on: 0808 808 1677 or email us and a bereaved young person will reply: hopeagain@cruse.org.uk.