Mother's Day 2021

What do you do on Mother’s Day, without your Mum, motherly figure, or the one that made you a mum? It can feel like you are the only person in the world who can’t spend Mother’s Day how you’d like to. Truthfully, there’s a whole community out there of young people feeling the very same way today. Understandably, that doesn’t make you miss your own loved one any less, but it can help you to feel less alone.

We wanted to share some tips with you on how you could best support yourself today:

• Write a letter to your loved one on all the things you wish you could share with them,

• Write a letter to yourself as a reminder of how far you’ve come. Or, if you’re struggling in your grief, let it out, put it down onto a page,

• Read Bridget’s honest letter to herself after the loss of her Mum at 15, here,

• Make a memory box. Your box can include any letters you’ve written, photographs, your loved ones belongings.. anything you’d like to add. It’s comforting to have a memory box to go to when your grief feels heavier than usual,

• Write a Mother’s Day card or buy flowers to display as an act of remembrance,

• Visit your loved ones grave, the place where their ashes were scattered or somewhere that mattered to you both,

• Practice self-care - take time to do something for you. Grief is overwhelming and tiring. Take time to look after yourself and recharge,

• Leave a loving tribute alongside a photo of your loved one on Cruse Bereavement Care’s ‘Yellow Hearts’ dedication page, here,

• Switch off from social media. Sometimes, social media isn’t helpful on days like today. However, it can help you to feel less alone. You’ll know what is best for you, but don’t hesitate to disconnect if needed,

• Make arrangements to fill your day. Or, make no arrangements at all (do what feels right for you).

At the end of the day, there is no denying how difficult a special occasion like Mother’s Day is without your Mum/motherly figure or the one who made you a mum, by your side. We hope that reading this post will help you feel less alone and that it will give you ways to help you cope. We really hope you feel your special ones love all around you more than ever today.

They are more of you than you know and with you forever in your heart.

If you are struggling today, the free Cruse helpline is open from 10am-2pm on:

0808 808 1677 or you can email us at: hopeagain@cruse.org.uk.

If you’d like, please comment below your thoughts or even your loved ones name as a way to remember, we’d love to read them!

It might even help another young person on their grief journey.

University: Will I be the only one?

Going to university evokes a lot of mixed emotions for young people; nervousness, excitement, apprehension, to name but a few. But how does it feel going to university after a loss?

I remember the anticipation in the car journey when moving to university; what will my room be like, will I get on with my flatmates, will I be the only one?

I remember almost having a feeling of embarrassment, as well as worry, about being the only person moving into accommodation with one parent. I felt like it defined me, and I didn't want to be labelled as 'the girl whose dad died'. I had already gone through this in school, and I felt uni was a chance to start a fresh chapter of my life. 

It was a dull pain, watching so many people moving in with the help of both their parents. I couldn't help but wonder how my dad would feel about me heading to university, if he'd be proud or concerned, or just be glad of some peace and quiet? Who knows. 

I also remember the panic of meeting all my flatmates and them asking about my parents, to which the only response I could muster was, "Oh, it's just me and my mum." I couldn't physically get the words out that my dad had passed away, but I realised that's okay. You shouldn't feel ashamed of your story, and you don't have to share it if you don't want to. After a while I got more comfortable and a lot of people started telling me about their parents' divorce, or whatever their family issue was. It was a comfort to know I wasn't as much of an outcast as I had thought. Nobody's life is perfect, and we all have our demons.

You should never worry about being different, because the world would be an awfully boring place if we were all the same. 

Summer Holiday

One of the greatest things about being off school is that family summer holiday away to somewhere sunny and exotic. However, when you've lost a loved one that trip can be a totally different experience.

Your first holiday after a bereavement can be very bittersweet. You can feel guilty for being excited, or you can just be altogether dreading it. Either way, making new traditions and enjoying the trip can make it a happier experience, but you can still remember the happy memories of your past holidays with your loved one.

When my Mum and I went on our first trip after the loss of my Dad, it was very difficult for the both of us. Everything from checking the house was safe to organising transport; it was all on my Mum. She coped so well, despite how hard it was for her. We tried new things and went somewhere different, so we could keep our old memories but make our own new ones too.

Whether you've been on a holiday this summer, or are planning to go on one soon, what do you think can make a holiday easier after losing a loved one?

Father's Day

Every year I see my friends preparing for Father's Day, searching for the perfect present and rummaging the shelves for a card he'll love. Every year I get the same overwhelming sense of nostalgia and loss, missing the days where I was also hunting for that perfect gift. 

Every year I try to avoid the whole ordeal, but with modern advertising, be it TV, email, or just the local supermarket, the subject is impossible to avoid. Waking up to six new emails, "Just in time for Father's Day!", or "Your #1 Guy: Rad gifts for Dad!", means you just can't escape it. 

It's always painful being reminded of things you want to forget, especially when it's something you're supposed to be celebrating. My advice is: don't let it consume you. Talk to your friends, family, or even your pet, about how you're feeling. You don't have to hide how you're feeling, and you can try to remember your Dad and still celebrate the time you did have together.

What line would you write for your Dad in a Father's Day Card? 

Talia's Story; Part 2

I felt really lucky to have found people who understand me and are my age and I thought that everyone who’s been through such a tough time should feel the same. Nobody should feel like they’re going through it on their own. It’s taken me 3 years and the grieving still isn’t over, but I came to a personal milestone where I felt ready to talk about what I had been through publicly.

I decided to make YouTube videos, discussing various topics around going through bereavement as a teenager, with my main goal being reassuring people that they aren't the only one who’s been through it. I talk about emotions, the funeral, what I like doing when I feel down and more. It feels good to get it off my chest AND help others… WIN WIN!

The way society is today makes people shy away from talking about death and I think it’s definitely time that changed. I think it’s so important that teens and young people reach out and support each other through the rough time none of us deserve. Which is why I hope my videos will help encourage people to speak out and live their life to the full instead of bottling up their emotions. 

What do you think schools could do to make things easier for bereaved young people?