Mother's Day 2021

What do you do on Mother’s Day, without your Mum, motherly figure, or the one that made you a mum? It can feel like you are the only person in the world who can’t spend Mother’s Day how you’d like to. Truthfully, there’s a whole community out there of young people feeling the very same way today. Understandably, that doesn’t make you miss your own loved one any less, but it can help you to feel less alone.

We wanted to share some tips with you on how you could best support yourself today:

• Write a letter to your loved one on all the things you wish you could share with them,

• Write a letter to yourself as a reminder of how far you’ve come. Or, if you’re struggling in your grief, let it out, put it down onto a page,

• Read Bridget’s honest letter to herself after the loss of her Mum at 15, here,

• Make a memory box. Your box can include any letters you’ve written, photographs, your loved ones belongings.. anything you’d like to add. It’s comforting to have a memory box to go to when your grief feels heavier than usual,

• Write a Mother’s Day card or buy flowers to display as an act of remembrance,

• Visit your loved ones grave, the place where their ashes were scattered or somewhere that mattered to you both,

• Practice self-care - take time to do something for you. Grief is overwhelming and tiring. Take time to look after yourself and recharge,

• Leave a loving tribute alongside a photo of your loved one on Cruse Bereavement Care’s ‘Yellow Hearts’ dedication page, here,

• Switch off from social media. Sometimes, social media isn’t helpful on days like today. However, it can help you to feel less alone. You’ll know what is best for you, but don’t hesitate to disconnect if needed,

• Make arrangements to fill your day. Or, make no arrangements at all (do what feels right for you).

At the end of the day, there is no denying how difficult a special occasion like Mother’s Day is without your Mum/motherly figure or the one who made you a mum, by your side. We hope that reading this post will help you feel less alone and that it will give you ways to help you cope. We really hope you feel your special ones love all around you more than ever today.

They are more of you than you know and with you forever in your heart.

If you are struggling today, the free Cruse helpline is open from 10am-2pm on:

0808 808 1677 or you can email us at: hopeagain@cruse.org.uk.

If you’d like, please comment below your thoughts or even your loved ones name as a way to remember, we’d love to read them!

It might even help another young person on their grief journey.

What is hope?

Hope is finding the strength to get out of bed on a Monday morning to face the week ahead. Hope is being a point down in the final with only 5 minutes to go. Hope is walking into an exam with the feeling that you haven't revised enough.

The definition for hope is - "a feeling of expectation and desire for a particular thing to happen." Everyday, whether we are aware of it or not each one of us are hopeful for something. Whether it is something small like hoping it doesn't rain or whether it is something huge like hoping the test results come back clear. Hope is the driving force that keeps us going, having hope is so important. Having hope in something keeps us focused and determined on our journey's throughout life, hope helps us fight the battles life may throw at us and helps us stay positive and optimistic.

If you're ever feeling down and feel that you have no hope left, think of these 4 words. This is how hope can make you feel:

H - Happiness

O - Optimistic

P - Peaceful

E - Excited

Let us know what hope means to you! We would love to hear from you!

Jane, HopeAgain Web Consultant.

Coping at Christmas

After losing a loved one, any time of the year can be tough but in particular Christmas is when some people find it the hardest to cope. Some people mightn’t want to celebrate Christmas at all! However, there are many positive ways to get through the festive period.

Many families carry traditions at Christmas time, as me and Victoria talked about in our latest vlog “Coping at Christmas,” but if it is too painful to carry on these traditions, put them to the side and create a new one. In doing this, it does not mean you are forgetting about that person, you are just remembering them in a new and different way. Maybe as time passes you may be able to return to the old ways and do things that you and that loved one would have done during this time of year.

Whether you want to get the family involved or you want to take a bit of time to yourself, a nice way to remember a loved one is making decorations dedicated to them. All you need is a few plain Christmas baubles, some paint, glitter, felt tips etc. and decorate your own bauble for the person and place it on your tree. This way that person can be a part of your Christmas celebrations every year. Another creative way of remembering people at Christmas time is decorating a candle. In the same way as the bauble decorate a plain candle dedicating it to that person/people and place it in the middle of the table, where everyone will be gathered and light it during your Christmas dinner. This way you may feel a comfort that the person is there with you, after the dinner it may be a nice idea, while the candle is still lit, to talk about the happy and funny memories you had with that person. Focus on the good, happy memories rather than the sad memories or regrets.

Christmas can be a lonely time for many people, especially if you’ve lost a loved one. No matter how long ago the person has died, everyday can still be tough. Grief has no timeline and no one should tell you that you “should be over it now” or “it happened ages ago, you should be okay.” For some people every day can be a struggle and Christmas is no exception. The most important thing for you to know is that you are never alone! There is always someone to lend a helping hand. If someone offers you help during the festive period – accept it – try not to isolate yourself, this will not help. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. People will not see you as weak – they will commend you for your bravery and strength.

If you have ideas of things to do at Christmas time to remember your loved one, why not respond to this blog and share your own ideas by leaving a comment below.

Happy Christmas!

Jane Molloy, HopeAgain Web Consultant

How are you?

A question we hear at least three times a day, and often we respond with quite a blasé answer. How many times have you heard, ‘How are you?’ and you’ve automatically responded, ‘Good thanks, and you?’ without even contemplating it?

We’ve become so desensitised to that question that we no longer actually talk about how we’re feeling. I always respond that I’m doing grand, but if I actually responded with a hint of truth my answer would be more along the lines of: ‘I’m stressed, tired, and on the verge of a mental breakdown. I’ve got a pile of work to do and no idea what’s going on. People keep asking me what I want to do after uni and I have NO idea. I just want to sleep for a week. But how are you?’ 

That answer is probably a bit much to handle in everyday conversation, especially if you’re stuck in a social situation you’d rather not be in so you give the shortest answer possible to get the interaction over and done with. But when you think about it, how many times are you asked that question and you are never honest? 

Everybody needs to become more comfortable with talking about how they’re feeling. It shouldn’t be such a taboo to talk about your mental health, and you shouldn’t feel anxious about telling someone if you’re not doing so well. If you’re struggling with something, tell someone. If you feel down, tell someone. If you are always stressed, tell someone. If you’re incredibly happy, tell someone!

It should be more common for everybody to honestly talk about how they’re feeling, and it shouldn’t be frowned upon. If someone comes to you with their problems, take the time to listen to them, it doesn’t matter if you have no solution, sometimes just a pair of ears and a shoulder to cry on is all we need. 

Patrick's video

When children are bereaved, more often than not they're thrown into an unfamiliar environment and lack the skills to cope with a dire change of circumstances. This is one of the many reasons I believe in the absolute importance of profiling bereavement amongst children.

Adults, often have the best of intentions in their attempts to help ease a child's pain when it comes to bereavement, but quite simply sometimes they just plain don't understand. What appears right to them might not be quite seen that way through the eyes of a child, I myself experienced this on multiple occasions. As a result, the affected young people become misheard, misunderstood, burdened and ignored, resulting in any number of problems down the line. The issues surrounding childhood bereavement therefore must be documented and made known to the outside world so that a wider audience grasps a better understanding of the 'do's and don'ts' etc...

It was a privilege to be part of a short video production this year based on the work that Cruse and Hope Again do for young people, and it is my hope that it will reach as many individuals as possible and raise maximum awareness of an often underplayed and misunderstood issue.

Patrick

To check out Patrick's video, follow this link: www.hopeagain.org.uk/hope-again-videos/